


Shine Forever

by beautifulllyinpain



Category: Monsta X (Band), Shine Forever - Monsta X (Music Video)
Genre: Angst, Best Friends, Roadtrip
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-11
Updated: 2020-09-02
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:21:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 8,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25843510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beautifulllyinpain/pseuds/beautifulllyinpain
Summary: A story of how the lives of 7 best friends changed overnight.
Kudos: 29





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, the title of this story is very creative :)

> **You are next to me**
> 
> **There's nothing that shines brighter than you**
> 
> **I'm wandering right now**
> 
> **Like a lost child**


	2. smile for me again just like that

"I call shotgun!"

"No, I'm taking shotgun!"

"You two, shut up," Hyungwon yells at the two youngest of the group. 

"I'm taking shotgun," Kihyun finalizes. "Now come and load up the van." He beckons both of them into the kitchen where he had just finished preparing all the needed snacks and food. They grumble but comply eventually knowing how persistent Kihyun can get.

"You sat shotgun before this," Changkyun complains as he enters the kitchen, still not satisfied with the final verdict.

"And you sat shotgun twice last week!" Jooheon huffs, raising his voice to make a statement.

"Were you keeping tabs on me for that?"

"You're doing the same!"

"Seriously guys, shut the fuck up," Hyungwon complains once again as he enters the kitchen. "It doesn't matter who sits shotgun. It's not like you'll be getting any gold for doing so."

"But you do get the privilege of being in charge of the music," Minhyuk buds in while stealing a grape, popping it into his mouth with a cheeky smile.

"Minhyuk, stop eating the grapes," Kihyun says, keeping the remainder into the picnic basket before the said-male can finish the rest.

"It's an _RV_ , you can practically walk up and down to change the music," Hyungwon counters with an eye roll. "Can I take this to the van?" Kihyun nods. Hyungwon wastes no time to snatch the filled picnic basket and walk out of the kitchen. Jooheon and Changkyun follow behind with the drink coolers and a large packet of ice.

Kihyun sighs heavily as he leans against the counter. Minhyuk notices the distressed nature of the other and goes to him. He massaging the back of his neck lightly, running his thumb and index finger up and down his neck knowing that this always calms the other down.

"You're the one that suggested this trip but you seem the least excited right now."

"How did we end up like this?" Kihyun questions, more to himself than the other, but Minhyuk understood him well. Their group just isn't the same lately—too many quarrels, unnecessary fights. It's like they can't stand to be around each other for any longer than 5 minutes without trying to rip each other's throats out. 

This is the exact reason why Kihyun planned the trip in the first place.

"Hey, I'm sure this trip is exactly what we need!" Minhyuk exclaims positively, trying to enlighten the other's mood. "You always know what's best for us. Cheer up, buddy!" He sighs once more before taking a huge breather and looks up to the light mint-colored hair male who gives him a toothy smile filled with optimism. 

"Where's Shownu and Wonho?" he asks.

"Shownu hyung went to grab the giant Jenga I think. Wonho is...?"

"So I packed floaties and a few beach balls," Wonho announces as he enters the kitchen as if just in time. "Shownu's arranging the portable chairs now. Oh, and Changkyun's bringing his big ass speakers."

"Will everything even fit in the van?" Minhyuk asks, concerned. 

"I guess." He shrugs. "I think we should get going soon. The sun's almost setting."

"I better go start the engine then," Minhyuk says, exiting the kitchen.

"You okay?" Wonho asks, noticing that Kihyun had stared off into space in a short span of time. The smaller averts his attention to the worried male and masters a small smile.

"I hope this trip was a right idea."

"You worry too much, Kihyun. As you said, everyone's tense and maybe this trip is really what we need to reconnect. Don't worry." Wonho pats his back in reassurance. "You should probably bring the last of those foods. I'll help Shownu with the remaining loading." With that he leaves the kitchen, leaving the smaller male to his thoughts alone.

_'I hope..."_


	3. i'm bringing you into my once dark days

"how many more hours?"

"changkyun, i told you an hour 10 minutes ago," minhyuk grumbled, annoyed as of now. "stop being a pain in the ass and sleep like the others."

"insomnia can suck my ass," changkyun retorted as he walked up to the front to where kihyun was still awake beside minhyuk who was still driving.

kihyun perked up his head up from his phone to look at the younger crouched down in front of the radio and started jumping from one staticky channel to another, trying to find a working radio channel.

"there's no signal up here," kihyun told him.

"are you sure you aren't planning to kill us, kihyun hyung?" changkyun snided. he couldn't really tell if he was grumpy because he couldn't fall asleep like the others or if he was just plain annoyed with the fact that he was dragged to go onto this trip to a much-secluded place.

"i might just plot a plan or two if you don't get your ass back on your seat," minhyuk intervened as he stole a short glance away from the road ahead just to glare at the younger. "go play with your phone or something."

"it died 10 minutes ago, _asshole_."

"what did you call me you brat!"

"changkyun, language please," kihyun told him sternly with narrowed eyes. 

changkyun was about to fire with his own comeback, that was until he heard a loud _'bang'_ behind them. both their heads snap to the back and the younger one immediately gasped when he saw jooheon removing his feet from his speakers.

"fuck!" changkyun shouted making minhyuk jump in his sit and kihyun glared deeper at the younger after having warned him about cussing not even 5 minutes ago.

"these cost all my last savings!" he cried out loud as he stomped to the back causing the others to slowly wake up from their slumber.

"dude chill, it was an accident," jooheon grunted from the loud noise whilst rubbing his stubbed feet. the last thing he needed was another banter at two in the fucking morning.

"are you going to pay for these if they're broken?"

"seriously guys, even now? shut the hell up," hyungwon scolded glaring at the both of them. wonho pulls hyungwon closer to him to calm him down, coaxing him back to sleep as he started combing through the other's hair. hyungwon sighed in slight content before sinking back down into the older's broad chest.

"you shouldn't have brought this in the first place. why do we even need two huge speakers?" jooheon complained, raising his own voice in dissatisfaction.

"jooheon, changkyun, it's two in the morning and some people are trying to sleep here," shownu voiced out laced with sleep but held so much patience.

"you can't seriously be fighting over goddamn speakers," minhyuk mumbled but it was unintentionally loud enough for the others to hear.

"minhyuk please—" kihyun started but he immediately got cut off by the commotion that started once again at the back.

"see! even minhyuk hyung thinks your speakers are unnecessary."

hyungwon who had had it with the both of them grabbed the closest thing to him—which happened to be the giant jenga just behind his seat—and yanked one piece to the middle of the van just between changkyun and jooheon.

"i will throw both of you out of this rv if you don't shut the fuck up," he seethed.

"please by all means!" chankyun retorted, dripping with thick sarcasm. "i don't even know why i agreed to come to this stupid trip in the first place."

"this trip is not stupid," wonho defended, knowing how hurt kihyun would be just by hearing these words uttered by their youngest. he knew how hard kihyun had planned this trip and how ardent he was to make sure everyone came.

"i love you, wonho, but even i don't see the point of this trip," hyungwon added it.

"what's so wrong with wanting to go on a trip with you guys?" kihyun said from where he sat and it was clear how sad he sounded. "it could be like old times..."

"you mean like the first trip we took where hyungwon slept most of the time?" jooheon suggested with a lifted brow. hyungwon grabbed another piece of giant jenga and purposefully aimed it at jooheon. it landed right on his tighs and the younger gruffed angrily.

"you're one to talk," hyungwon countered.

"weren't you the one that set our first meal on fire?" minhyuk questioned from the front.

"thanks to you we starved that day!" changkyun budded in.

"fuck you, dickheads," jooheon sneered, picking up the giant jenga thrown to him seconds before.

"guys, stop fighting please," kihyun resorted to literal begging as he grew more and more concerned about how heated this argument was getting when in reality it didn't even have to end up this way. jooheon—or anyone else really—all but listened to kihyun's plea (except for shownu and wonho who just sighed in defeat).

"okay guys seriously, you are all acting like immature kids now," wonho said as he too was getting fed up with the situation.

jooheon yanked the giant jenga at changkyun's direction who was standing near minhyuk's seat. but he missed his target since changkyun ducked almost instantly. and instead, it hit the mint-colored hair male.

"guys, stop—"

and within seconds everything went eerily silent.


	4. i'm wandering right now like a lost child

cold. pain. and lost. kihyun tried to scramble through all the shard glasses and possible branches.

_"minhyuk...!"_

_"shownu? wonho!"_

_"ya hyungwon!"_

he trembled in fear.

_"jooheon??"_

_"changkyun...?"_

kihyun was already crying because everything before him was just _black_. he felt dreadfully alone and so afraid. 


	5. i'll be by your side now

the faint bickering, that was most probably what brought kihyun back to his consciousness. when he tried to open his eyes, he just couldn't. he could feel some kind of cloth or a bandage of some sort wrapped around them. kihyun unconsciously whimpered painfully and this immediately brought back everyone's attention.

"hyung?" the soft voice of changkyun was what he heard first. his voice somehow sounded mellow and in a way airy almost, like he was floating. within seconds he felt more presences around him—wherever that is he was. his fingertips lightly graze over the mattress below him before they travel up to the piece of material hindering his sight. a bandage.

"w—why is this on me?" kihyun stuttered, voice hoarse from the lack of speaking for a few days. 

"oh hyung!" a cry was heard and suddenly he felt the left side of his bed sink and a weight was on his arm.

"jooheon," another voice warned. shownu, kihyun instantly recognized. kihyun reached his other arm over and slowly tried to guide his way to the weight on his arm, presuming that it was jooheon. the first thing he felt was something fluffy, hair he assumed, and so he gently stroked through them. 

seconds later he felt wet droplets soaking the sleeves he was wearing and his suspension was immediately confirmed when he heard a sniffle.

"why are you crying, _joohoney_?" kihyun asked oh-so tenderly. he felt the head on his arm shake, meaning _'nothing'._

"how long have i been here?" he asked next.

"four days," hyungwon answered this time. kihyun's head snapped to the direction of the voice to which he realized came from his right side. 

"you slipped into a coma," wonho said evidently with thick sorrow. 

_coma?_

"why is this on me?" kihyun asked once again referring to the bandage. and the room fell into a deep silence. "guys?" that's when he realized the movement on his left arm had stilled. there was still the weight but that's just it. 

kihyun reached his hand over and this time he assumed he was touching jooheon's cheek. and for some reason, he sighed internally in relief.

"why aren't you all saying anything?"

"i think it's best if the doctor comes and tells you," shownu, finally answered. 

kihyun could only sigh and nod. then it slowly hit him that something just felt a little off. he couldn't point his finger as to what it was but it's something that was lingering at the back of his head. like a memory trying to be forgotten.

"minhyuk, why are you so quiet?" kihyun called turning his head left and right as he didn't really know where the said male was standing. he waited for a response. but he got nothing.

"kihyun," wonho started as he felt him gently remove his arms from jooheon and placed them on both his sides. "i think you should—"

"minhyuk?" he urged, desperate now. 

and still nothing.


	6. so you won't be alone

kihyun was grateful. fuck, he was super grateful that five of his friends were there with him and they seemed alright. he assumed they might have some bandages here and there. but the feeling that's slowly dawning upon him—this dread that minhyuk was not here, kihyun didn't know how he was going to handle that.

"did he—he go out somewhere?" kihyun tried to reason.

"you should rest, hyung," changkyun told him but kihyun caught the sadness laced in his voice and he hated it so much. he hated how they all tried to cover _this_ up as well just like kihyun's current condition.

"where is he!" kihyun shouted.

"kihyun hyung—"

"no.no. shut up!" kihyun yelled at hyungwon who attempted once again to coax him back to rest. "where is minhyuk! where is he!"

"he's still in coma, kihyun..." shownu finally told him. and kihyun doesn't know how to react to that. his heart definitely sank. he could feel the burn his eyes. but all in all he was in the state of shock to show any emotions.

"c—co—coma..." he stuttered. "he'll be alright, right? i got out of a coma, so he will be alright too. please tell me," he begged.

"if you can make it then he can too. you're both so strong," wonho immediately reassured him while holding onto one of kihyun's hand. 

to be honest, the five of them weren't too sure. they've visited him and witnessed his condition. but they were fucking praying that minhyuk would make it. at least for kihyun's sake that he will.

"you need to rest now, hyung," jooheon uttered. "we'll come back to visit tomorrow."

kihyun felt something cold brush against his forehead and he knew one of them had kissed him there but he didn't know who. when he was about to ask he stopped himself because he felt it, the presence around him felt empty and cold. they left the room. it was awfully quiet and he hated the silence.

they didn't want to leave their friend all alone, especially not tonight when he finally regained consciousness but they knew, they knew all too well that if they didn't leave soon then one of them would breakdown so bad that they wouldn't be able to explain the situation they were all in now to kihyun.

they didn't really have anywhere else to go. no plan whatsoever after leaving kihyun's ward. but that soon changed when changkyun instinctively slapped the closest arm to him which happened to be hyungwon's and points to the ever familiar figure confusedly walking along the hallway of the hospital.

hyungwon gasped out loud and this causes wonho's head to turn towards where both changkyun and hyungwon's gaze were.

"fuck," wonho muttered unexpectedly loud. and this had the rest of their heads turning and collectively their hearts dropped. 

it was minyuk. and he seemed to have noticed them as he started running towards them.

"found you!" he exclaimed obliviously. "i was wondering where you guys were." he couldn't deny that all their faces looked crest-fallen which made him confused. he was about to question them, but he was stopped by jooheon.

"what are you doing here?" this seemed to take minhyuk aback as he stared at him momentarily. he definitely did not expect such a reaction.

"what?"

"what the fuck are you doing here!" changkyun immediately hugged jooheon to hold him back, just for safety measures considering none of them know how he was going to lash out.

"i—i don't understand," minhyuk said softly. "look i'm sorry if i didn't come and find you sooner but i just woke up and—"

"you _just_ woke up?" shownu rephrased again. minhyuk nodded. he looked at all of them and frowned when the headcount didn't add up.

"where's—where's kihyun?" he questioned carefully. this seemed to have triggered something because jooheon yelled then punched the nearby wall muttering a string of curses along the way.

besides the outrage, this might just be the first time minhyuk had ever seen both hyungwon and changkyun cry publically. that's when he knew something terrible had happened after the accident.


	7. i'm not satisfied with just once

"kihyun..."

"minhyuk?" 

kihyun felt a squeeze on his right hand and he assumed it was from the said male. "oh my god minhyuk!" he cried as he pulled the hand and immediately hugged the figure that crashed against his chest.

"i was so worried," kihyun exclaimed as he hugged him tighter.

he felt the hesitant hands slowly crawled up his back and hugged him back. he felt a shiver down his spine as cold fingers made contact with the thin material of his hospital gown. he visibly shuddered. when minhyuk pulled away kihyun took both his hands and brought it up to his mouth, blowing warm air on it.

"your hands are so cold," kihyun told him. he continues to blow warm air onto the other male's hands and slowly rubbed them against his own, creating friction for heat.

"are you feeling sick? i didn't think they'd let you walk so soon."

"i'm alright," minhyuk said softly. "and—and you?" kihyun sighed, not too sure on how he should answer him. "i'm sorry i shouldn't have asked," minhyuk immediately apologized with guilt dripping his tongue.

"no, no it's—fine... i just—i don't know how to process all this yet," kihyun admitted solemnly. "everything is dark now... sometimes i think it was only just a dream until i open my eyes and realized it isn't."

"i'm sorry—" minhyuk choked out as his grip tightened on kihyun's hands.

"please minhyuk stop apologizing," kihyun told him sadly. he could hear the guilt and the blame he was putting onto himself and he hated it. kihyun didn't blame anyone for what had happened. it was simply a misfortunate event, that's all there was to it.

"first the accident—now i left you all alone—"

"minhyuk stop!" kihyun raised his voice slightly. he couldn't see it but the other male was already a crying mess at the immense guilt he felt.

"let's not do this now, please," he begged. "i don't want to think about it. i'm just so grateful that you guys are _here_ and that you guys are _okay_. i—i don't know what i'll do if i lost anyone of you," kihyun croaked as the thought of the very possibility that even if one of them didn't make it, he knew he wouldn't be able to accept it.

"even after everything you still love us..." minhyuk said in such disbelief before sniffing a couple of times.

kihyun offered a wavered smile and said, "of course. i love you guys so much." he heard a sigh being elicited by the other male.

"where's everyone else?" kihyun asked curiously when he realized he had only heard minhyuk talking this whole time.

"they're around... _somewhere_...," minhyuk told him. "you should rest now, kihyun. i'm glad you're okay." 

"wait—you're leaving so soon?" 

instead of an instant reply, kihyun felt one of his hand that was held by minhyuk lifted up a little. seconds later something cold brushed against the top of his hand. minhyuk had kissed it.

"i'll come back tomorrow with the others, okay?" he reassured faintly as he gently placed his hand back to the side of his body. kihyun didn't even get to answer when he felt the familiar silence of his hospital room dawn upon him. again. the smaller male can only sigh and wait for tomorrow to come.


	8. there's nothing that shines brighter than you

kihyun felt around for some sort of warmth, a hand perhaps to hold since he found comfort in skinship. he finally got a hold of one hand. he gently ran his fingers along that hand. it was bony, long—and he smiled.

"hyungwon," he said proudly. he could hear the said male snicker as he came closer to the hospital bed. hyungwon tightened the grip on the smaller's hold.

"let's go on that trip we couldn't go," minhyuk suggested, breaking the infinite silence.

"right now?" jooheon asked suggestively.

"i mean in a few days, when kihyun is finally discharged."

"i think that's a great idea!" shownu exclaimed.

"can't it be after my surgery?" kihyun asked. suddenly the room was filled with an eerie silence. kihyun frowned from the lack of response. 

"guys?" 

hyungwon squeezes his hand once again to reassure him that he—and everyone else—was still there.

"i think it'll be best if we go once you've been discharged," shownu told him.

"b—but the doctor said i could have my sight back with surgery! why can't we go then?"

"you don't need your sight to enjoy it," wonho explained to him, completely ignoring the male's question. "you have your other senses. you can still hear our laughter and feel our presence."

"you're not someone completely different just because you don't have your sight. you're still yoo kihyun—our best friend," hyungwon asserted beside him.

"yea, ki," minhyuk agreed. he then felt a hand stroke his bangs away from his forehead. "having your sight isn't everything. we can still be us, have fun like we used to even if you can't see."

"what really matters is that _all_ seven of us are there together," changkyun added.

kihyun thought about it for a moment before he sighed heavily. they did have a point. just because he lost his sight doesn't mean he wasn't capable to go on this trip. he could still do so. the only difference would be that his other senses would have to be much more heightened. 

_'it's not like i won't be going on any more trips with them after my surgery.'_ kihyun reasoned with himself. and so he nodded, agreeing on the plan. 

"one more thing kihyun hyung," hyungwon said. "please don't bring up about _us_ to your parents." this has kihyun immediately frowning.

"why not?"

"they—they don't really like us now..." jooheon answered softly.

"that's bullshit."

"no please. after this accident they just can't look at _us_ the same way," wonho tried to nous with him. "so it's best that you don't mention _us_ at all."

"is that why you all want to rush the trip because you think i won't be able to be around you guys after my surgery?" 

silence once again. 

"you know i won't listen to them, right? i love you guys and you are my friends regardless of all the things that have happened. my parents can't stop me from seeing you guys."

kihyun heard a loud sigh from his left—assuming it was either shownu or minhyuk since those were the only two voices he had heard from this side.

"fine..." shownu complied reluctantly. "but just—at least don't mention anything until after the trip."

"i won't." 

seconds later chatters were heard coming from somewhere far to his right with the occasional squeals of bliss. he guessed that those had to belong to the two youngest of their group as the other four were discussing the date and what they were all going to do on this trip around his bed.

for the first time in a while, kihyun could feel the atmosphere lighten and the aura emitted was happy. he unconsciously found the side of his lip tugging upwards a little. this was how they were supposed to be; happy and carefree.

with all the discussions and heightened excitement going on kihyun had somehow managed to disregard how cold hyungwon's hand actually felt that entire time. 


	9. you are next to me

⭐

kihyun huffed for the nth time while waiting to be called by their couch. he had been discharged a day before and managed to convince his parents that he would be staying over at his cousin's place for a little while—which of course was a total lie.

kihyun's parents had already scheduled a day for his eye surgery sometime the following week which was perfect as the gang could go on this decent three-day trip together prior to that.

kihyun who was far lost in his thoughts jumped upon hearing aloud crash somewhere behind him. he immediately stood up and frantically turned his head trying to get a sense of what made that sound. he heard an array of curses being said in the distance before a hand is placed on his shoulder.

"you okay?" it was minhyuk.

"i heard something."

"that's just jooheon," minhyuk dismissed simply. "he dropped the cooler."

"are you sure i can't help with anything?" kihyun asked sadly.

"we got this kihyun. just a little while more than we can leave, okay?" kihyun shrugged then nodded. he can't really say much to convince them anyway.

suddenly, kihyun felt a body collided with his back and a pair of arms wrapped around his neck, giggles being elicited by this person. kihyun yelped out loud, holding onto his fast-beating heart with a whimper.

"fuck changkyun don't do that," minhyuk scolded.

"sorry! sorry! shownu hyung told me to call you guys. we're ready to go!" the youngest exclaimed excitedly. changkyun got off kihyun's back and he heard his footsteps patter along to what he assumed would be the front door.

"come on," minyuk beckoned, linking his arm with kihyun's. kihyun held it securely with the other hand gripping onto the edge of the younger's sleeve. minyuk carefully brought him outside and into the van.

"careful hyung," changkyun told kihyun as he got into the van. changkyun had a hold on one of kihyun's hand as he entered and slowly guided him to sit. then he felt another body pressed against his side.

"hey," the older male said. kihyun turned his head and reached out for his hand and seconds later another hand interlocked with his and kihyun sighed. wonho, he guessed.

"where's the rest?" he asked curiously.

"minhyuk and hyungwon will be sitting at the last row while they watch the things. shownu is driving and jooheon is sitting at the passenger seat," wonho explained to him. kihyun could hear the rustling in front and behind him. he then heard both minhyuk and hyungwon getting into the van before closing the last door.

"we're ready!" minhyuk said.

kihyun was mindlessly existing, tuning into the various sounds in the van. the atmosphere around them wasn't exactly the happiest but he would agree that it was very much lighter than the trip before this. 

however, there was this intangible feeling that had settled on the shorter's chest ever since he had woken up in the hospital. but had dismissed it every time. he was with his friends, there was nothing more he could ask for—not even his sight.

kihyun's wandering mind was brought back momentarily when he felt a smooth cloth placed over his eyes. he gasped at the cold contact and instinctively grabbed both changkyun and wonho's hand for security.

"sorry hyung," hyungwon mumbled close to his ear as he continued to tie the cloth over his eyes. "its not too tight, is it?" hyungwon asked once he was done. kihyun shook his head and reached up to touch the piece of cloth—it was soft to the touch.

"what's this for?"

"it protects your sensitive eyes from the light," hyungwon told him. "since you refuse to wear your sunglasses i think this would help. plus its silk, so it's gentle and not irritable." 

the rest of the journey continued on with occasional miscellaneous conversations going back and forth and sometimes there would be moments of intense silence between everyone. 

kihyun couldn't tell when exactly he had fallen asleep, but he did and he remembered laying on wonho's sturdy shoulder whilst having wrapped his arms around the male almost in fear of losing touch with _this_ reality, the reality where everyone was there with him—although he very much knew that his friends _were_ there with him. 

how else was this trip made possible?


	10. i'm not satisfied with just once

⭐

kihyun was bouncing—at least that's what he felt. as he slowly regained consciousness once again he realized that his feet were dangling. kihyun's first instinct was to tightly hold onto whatever it was he was leaning onto. the two arms under his thighs tightened their hold so he doesn't fall.

"w—where—"

"don't worry kihyunnie," wonho reassured. he was carrying the smaller male on his back since he slept through the whole ride. he didn't have the heart to wake him considering how peaceful he looked.

"you were asleep. didn't wanna wake you."

"th—the others?"

"they're at the campsite already." kihyun hummed as he rested his chin on top of the male carrying him.

just then he heard the familiar sounds of the windmill blades rotating in the light breeze. he smelled the crispt, fresh mountain air and heard the rush of water somewhere nearby. kihyun unconsciously smiled.

he remembered it so vividly. it was a couple of weeks after they had formerly met each other in high school. they had all came from different districts, all having their own reasons for moving to Seoul at some point in their lives. and they instantly clicked together despite the wide range of ages.

they had decided to take a trip together during the first week of summer break together. they rented a van just like this one, have hyungwon drive it while the others were doing their shenanigans at the back seat.

that trip was spontaneous and messy. hell, it wasn't well organized and so chaotic! their laughter were way too loud and their music blared a little too much and everything was thankfully recorded in the camera changkyun brought that day.

but you see, that very chaotic, messy, unorganized and loud trip was _perfect_ in every sense looking back at it now. it was what made them certain that this friendship was going to last a very long time.

"we're in Gangwon-do," kihyun said with confidence.

although this wasn't initially the place kihyun had planned their trip before the accident, he wouldn't complain. this place held so much more meaning than any other place they have visited together. it would automatically bring a smile on their faces as though only happy memories are embedded here—their happy memories.

one longing memory they all collectively have together was a group picture taken by a camper nearby. they each had a copy of this picture in their wallets and they also have it framed in their apartment. it was a reminder to them that no matter how bad things get, it'll get better if they have each other.

"yea, just like our very first trip," wonho told him, but kihyun couldn't shake how sad he sounded whilst saying it. kihyun only hugged him tighter and wonho held him tighter as a means of reassurance for the both of them.


	11. let me be held in those arms

⭐

kihyun was told to wait inside the van while the others got the campsite ready. he began to get restless, hearing the random clicks and clanks outside, his feet were itching to get out and help them. but he couldn't. at least not without proper direction he couldn't.

kihyun then huffed as he stood up from the seat. he stubbornly tried to course his way through the van with his hands extended to a maximum to touch everything around him and guide him along the way. 

past the small seating area and around the table, his hands felt something metal towards his right. he brought his full attention to it. he desperately tried to feel around it. it was a stove. 

kihyun's desperate hands tried once again to reach for something further on the stove but it came into contact with a boiling hot kettle. he shrieked out loud at the sudden rush of heat and pain through his hand as he quickly retrieved them, fanning them out to ease the pain.

 _useless_ , he thought to himself. he felt so fucking useless. kihyun punched the stove with the non-burnt hand before he fell on his knees in utter defeat.

 _they were right,_ kihyun thought once again. _this was the exact reason why they didn't want his help_. 

frustrated hot tears threatened to fall, but kihyun tried to hold it in. he leaned his head against the stove and let out a heavy sigh. he consoled himself that this wasn't permanent. he will be able to do normal things with his friends again after the surgery next week.

although it wasn't the full reassurance he wanted it was the reassurance he needed at that time. 

"kihyun!" the said male turned his head towards the sound of the voice. "we're done!"

instinctively, he got up without thinking much, his hands frailed to grab something for instant support. one hand got a hold of the nearby table while the other continued to scramble around until it accidentally touched the hot kettle—once again. he yelped but before he landed on the ground, a pair of arms were quick to grab a hold of him to sturdy him.

"you should've waited for us, hyung," jooheon—he recognised—told him. he pulled the shorter male to stand straight. kihyun then felt his burnt hand being turned as though being examined. seconds later he felt a slight cold brush of a pair of lips over that very hand.

"please be careful, hyung, _we_ won't always be there to make sure you're okay," jooheon said to him.

"w—what—why would you say that?" kihyun asked, lightly offended by the younger's words. jooheon sighed.

"i'm being realistic, hyung," jooheon answered. "who's going to take care of you once you're on your own?"

"but who said i'll be on my own?" 

kihyun only got another sigh from the younger before he was brought out to where everyone else was already seated around a campfire.


	12. i finally got to know you

⭐

"i should've stayed." 

"fuck i should've stayed!"

minhyuk chanted those words over and over again. this pool of guilt lumping itself in his chest started to consume him more and more with every repeating word uttered from his mouth.

he hit the steering wheel in front of him one more time, bruising his hands even more than it already was. he grunted out loud as a pool of warm tears streamed down his cheeks. he quietly sobbed pathetically with his head resting against the steering wheel of the van.

he felt so horrible. the guilt within him was killing him every moment he spent with kihyun. how the said male still managed to shower everyone—especially him—with love after everything that has happened. 

it makes minhyuk hate himself even more.

"minhyuk?" a soft voice called out from outside. by now he shouldn't be surprised as to how the others would somehow manage to find him.

"why are you crying?" wonho asked, bending down towards minhyuk by the driver's seat window. minhyuk lifted his head and wonho frowned at how disheveled he looked. his face was all red and puffed up from crying.

"what's wrong?" he asked. he opened the door to get the other male out.

"i'm sorry," he sobbed. "i couldn't hold on—i couldn't do it." minhyuk rambled, guilt poured heavily into each word. 

"i tried—but i couldn't stay—"

"minhyuk, calm down," wonho begged as he held onto both the male's shaking arms. 

"i pulled him out but—but i passed out—i couldn't. it was too painful and tiring. i couldn't do it."

"you're not making any sense now," wonho tried to reason with him. he tightened his grip on the male's arms.

"you think all this makes sense to kihyun!" 

wonho pursed his lips and stared at him, dumbfounded by that very question. he opened his mouth a few times to say something back but he couldn't. he didn't know how all these could be explained once kihyun got his sight back.

"i thought it would just be me—if i let go, it would just be me—"

"minh—"

"i didn't mean to leave him alone— i didn't know that it'll be you guys _too_!"," minhyuk cried out loud into the palm of his hands.

"you—what?" wonho questioned. 

"i really didn't know—until i saw you guys outside his room at the hospital— i realized then i made a huge mistake."

that's when the realization slowly dawned upon him the older male at what the other was saying. he lets minhyuk's arms go and stared at him in disbelief. anger coursed through his body with his face turning red and hands clenched becoming white.


	13. my bright angel

⭐

"there you guys are!" jooheon exclaimed after minutes of searching. "kihyun hyung has been—" he stopped his sentence halfway when he saw a distressed-looking minhyuk merely whimpering in silent tears on his knees while wonho was just standing in front of him, clear seething anger within him.

"we told you to hold on 'till the last moment for his sake and yet you still let go," wonho spat out those words before he stalked off in the opposite direction, going deeper into the woods. jooheon stepped closer to minhyuk and crouched down beside him.

"what happened to the two of you?"

"i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry!"

minhyuk cried.

jooheon just stared blankly at him. utterly confused at the older's distraught state. hesitantly, he guided the male before him to sit in the van and told him to stay put while he searched for wonho.

lucky for him, wonho had not wandered off far from the van. jooheon could tell that the older male was angry, frustrated even, from his heavy footsteps and the way he was clenching his fists way too tight that his knuckles were already white.

"hey! hyung!" jooheon shouted.

but wonho didn't stop to heed the younger's call which told him that something was definitely off. whatever it was that he and minhyuk talked about, that pissed him off bad.

jooheon picked up his pace and ran to wonho. he grabbed onto the older's arm and pulled him back, forcing him to face him.

"what happened back there?" wonho yanked his arm away but jooheon shoved him back, gripping the arm to keep him in place. "what did minhyuk hyung let go off? what do you mean?"

"we met him outside of kihyun's ward. he wasn't supposed to be there, and everyone knows that. why do you think so?" wonho rhetorically asked. jooheon thought for a moment before his gaze settled upon the older's intense ones.

"he wouldn't purposely leave like that," jooheon said, once he got the gist of it. but that didn't seem right at all. "he knew kihyun needed us—if not us at least _him_." he tried to reason out minhyuk's action.

"what else could it all mean."

"i don't believe you."

"by all mean go ask him yourself then," wonho retorted. jooheon looked at him unsurely and wonho motioned for him to go back the way they came from to get his answer.

jooheon didn't want to believe him. but he also knew that wonho wouldn't ever lie to him especially for matters like this.

and maybe that was what got him running back. it wasn't the need for confirmation for his doubt anymore. it was the sheer fact that whatever wonho had told him _was_ true.

now his body flamed with rage, just like the moment he first saw minhyuk running towards them at the hospital.

he saw red when his sight immediately fixed upon the set male. his feet picked up speed. his fists itched to hit him. his voiced ached to scream profanities at the male he and everyone else trusted.

jooheon was so focused on minhyuk that he hadn't realised shownu's presences right beside him. jooheon went straight for him, grabbing his collar and roughly yanked his whole body towards him. faces inches apart as small beady eyes glared dangerously at the male.

"you fucker!" jooheon seeted with poisonous venom.

jooheon couldn't get any more words out as shownu already came between them. the oldest male was much stronger than the both of them and so he pushed jooheon off minhyuk.

jooheon growled in dissatisfaction and took charge to lunge another time but this time was stopped by wonho, holding him back firmly.

"what's going on?" shownu asked, confused. he faced minhyuk but he stayed silent with his head down as tears ran down his face. so, he resorted to both wonho and jooheon.

they explained.

and shownu never knew he would ever feel anger bubble the way it did within him.

his head snapped towards the whimpering male who dared not utter a single word out of shame.

"you did what—?"

and for the first time all of them saw how the oldest—the one who had always kept it together, the one who was always patient with everything and everyone—lunged towards minhyuk and punched him right across the face.


	14. tightly be held in my arms

⭐

he heard the murmurs around him and it was about minhyuk. he couldn't quite get anything out of the other five males considering how reserved they were about the conversation. what struck to be odd was that minhyuk himself wasn't present there with them. kihyun's head turned to both sides, sharpening his hearing to maybe get a sense of where the mint-colored hair male might be. to no avail did he find him.

kihyun resorted to the final thing he could do which was to ask and kihyun hated asking. it made him feel incapable of doing something as simple as finding a friend. that said kihyun had no choice so he reached his arms forward and luckily one of them noticed it before he could call someone.

he felt a grip on his outreached hand and kihyun immediately held onto it, pulling the person a little closer to him.

"anything, hyung?" jooheon—he recognized.

"where's minhyuk?" he felt jooheon going stiff, hand clenched a little harder.

"by the van over there," he said tightly. and of course, kihyun instantly noted that.

_did they fight again?_

"could you bring me to the van?" he asked this time. he heard the heavy sigh before jooheon hesitantly agreed to do so.

jooheon hooked his arms securely with kihyun's and kihyun held on tightly, carefully following each step jooheon took. it wasn't as far as he thought it would be. kihyun had told him that he would be fine on his own once they had reached and jooheon—after much reassurance —finally left him by himself. kihyun then turned around with his arms extended forward and almost instantly he felt the cold metal against his fingertips. he used this as his guide to locate where minhyuk was.

he tried once again, staying silent and trying to be intune with the smallest of sound that would give away minhyuk's whereabout.

then he heard it. the soft sniffles. the scrapping of shoes against the grass. it was faint but it was there.

"minhyuk?"

cold hands reached out to his own that it sent a weird shiver down his spine. the hands gently brought him forward and guided him to sit on the ground. he presumed it was minhyuk who helped him but really the said male never spoke anything.

the silence between them was defining. neither knew what to say. one was so consumed with guilt while the other was just so lost with the world before him. it was not until kihyun heard the little sniffles again coming from the male beside him.

kihyun brought his hand towards minhyuk and placed it on his neck, lightly rubbing it to give some comfort. this seemed to trigger something in the male next to him because the next thing he knew minhyuk's body was convulsing as sobs wrecked from him. they were painful and kihyun knew whatever it was he was hurting. he brought minhyuk into his chest, enveloping him into a tight embrace. and minhyuk just cried.

neither of them said anything the whole time and maybe at that moment, it wasn't necessary.


	15. i wanna throw away all other thoughts

kihyun initially didn't understand the whole point of this trip (especially when they had rushed it to make it happen before his surgery) but he thought that it would somehow make sense along the way. however, two days into the trip, and it just seemed to confuse him even more; everyone seemed so disconnected and the tension between each other was only getting thicker and thicker by the passing hour.

"okay, fuck this!" kihyun finally snapped, standing up from the chair he was sitting on. he knew the other six of his friends were around him but neither of them were talking. he heard a few snark remarks being thrown around before one of them would yell to the other to shut up—then silence. it became silent, an eerie dead silence that kihyun hated so very much especially since he couldn't see anything and relied on other primary senses like sound.

"seriously, this needs to stop," kihyun voiced out to the defining silence that haunted them for the past hour now. "you guys suggested this trip and what, you planned to sit in silence while we stare daggers at each other the whole time?" 

it was dead silence—once again—besides the slight rustling in the woods behind them and the crackling of the fire at the fireplace just beside them, but other than that there wasn't a single sound around him and this angered kihyun even more. 

if kihyun was being honest, he was more scared than angry. the fact that he couldn't see anything frustrated him. and the fact that his friends _always_ seemed to remain so silent when he desperately wanted to hear something exasperated him. 

"i swear this silence will make me go fucking mental. say something, please!" kihyun screamed almost like a desperate plea. kihyun sometimes thinks that he was all alone in the depts of the forest yet this funny feeling that caused the hair on the back of his neck to stand and the goosebumps on his skin to appear told him that he wasn't alone. 

it was like a confusing loop where everything made sense but at the same time it didn't—and he thought that he might just be on the brink of losing his mind if not at once then gradually with time. 

a cold touch, the gentle graze of a familiar hand got a hold onto his own, and kihyun instantly held that hand tight, pulling it closer to him. "i'm sorry." it was shownu. he was holding shownu's hand and it was shownu that apologized. kihyun's anxiety slowly subsided knowing that his friends really were there around him and it was just paranoia messing with his head.

"we didn't mean to ruin this trip," wonho said somewhere on his left. 

kihyun then heard the shuffling footsteps coming from behind him before he felt what seemed like a thick cold cloud enveloping him only to realize second later that someone was back hugging him. he felt a face snuggle into his back and the tightening grip of the arms around him.

"i'm sorry, hyung." it was changkyun hugging him. kihyun used his free hand to hold onto one of changkyun's hands around his waist, giving a light squeeze.

kihyun sighed heavily. "these petty fights are getting really annoying," kihyun told them. "i love you guys but i don't know why you brought me here in the first place when all we're going to do is throw more insults at one another. we might as well just do that in our apartment."

"this was not why we planned the trip in the first place," minhyuk said with dejection from it all. he sounded like he was right in front of kihyun to which he lifted his head right at the sound of minhyuk's voice.

"are you sure? because i can't remember one day where everyone was actually happy being here!"

"we're sorry..." hyungwon apologized this time.

"stop apologizing!" kihyun yelled. between his anger and frustrations, it didn't help that everyone around him only had apologies to throw at him rather than a proper solution to fix whatever the problem was. "there is no fucking point in apologizing when that's all we've been doing and nothing's changed."

"we—we don't know what else to do, kihyunnie," jooheon told him. "we were a mess before the accident and we thought maybe it would be different if we took this trip—we thought we could perhaps mend things we couldn't before."

"what part of this trip has been _'mending'_ for any of us? we all can't go one fucking hour without trying to jump down each other's throat," kihyun retorted.

"kihyun's right," shownu spoke. "the way we approached the situation from the moment we got here was wrong. we wanted to change ourselves and remind us of why we became friends in the first place by coming _here_ , but we can't do that if we don't let the past go."

"everyone—lets just sit down," wonho suggested. 

kihyun felt shownu guiding his arm carefully to what felt like the area near the campfire as he felt the heat radiated much warmer to his skin. he then gently pulled his arm down, telling him to sit on the ground. and so kihyun did. seconds later he felt shownu settled down next to him on his left and someone else on his right. 

"it's me, hyung," changkyun muttered as he took hold of kihyun's other hand. 

"shownu's right," wonho started once everyone had seated in a small circle whilst holding each other's hands. "we really should let go of everything that happened before the accident and focus on our _now_. we _only_ have two more days to this trip; i don't want to waste it on us just fighting."

"i wish we had ended things better before the accident," minhyuk said, sadness was evident in his tone that somehow settled uneasily in kihyun's chest.

"if only we had all talked it out properly before we got in the van that day," jooheon added. 

"we can't go back now," hyungwon told him realistically and it stung, for some reason it did. not only did kihyun felt that but everyone else did too. they were all left with _what if_ s lingering on the tips of their tongues but what was the use of dwelling in those when they go back to those very moments again?

"can—can we not talk about that, please?" changkyun asked them softly as his grip on kihyun's hand slightly tightened. kihyun could tell that whatever they had just brought up clearly upset the youngest of the group a lot.

"there's no point dwelling in the past now. what's done is done and we're here now so let's make the best of our _last_ two days here," shownu told them all. they agreed and ended up reminiscing about the first time they had planned the trip here. it was indeed a beautiful memory filled with chaos—a chaos they would very much want to revisit again. 

kihyun knew he should've questioned them more; he should've asked the actual significance of this trip, why they were so adamant to take him before his surgery, and most importantly, why was it that this very trip was so important to them? 

there was something burning at the back of his mind, a mild tingle of suspicion that would trigger him here and there but he was quick to dismiss them. he knew his gut feelings could be trusted but right now he didn't know if they were telling him something he refused to believe or if they might be simply wrong because of all the overwhelming emotions that he had been feeling lately.


End file.
